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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Dear Pimple

Break outs

Dear Pimple,

I am writing to you in regards to your recent outburst in the middle of my face. 

You and your pesky friends should know by now that I am constantly interviewing people, close up, and your unsightly being is not appreciated, nor do I appreciate your persistence. It is taking away from my work, so thanks, you jerk. 

We know each other all too well and I'd like to think you would have a shred of consideration, but no. You've created what looks like a planet on my face and there isn't enough concealer in my arsenal of makeup to cover you up. I don't need this drama in my life right now. 

Yes, maybe I picked at you, a tiny blackhead, too prematurely but the lighting in my bathroom is just too good to not pick at my face. For that, I am not sorry. Pimple, I take all the right precautions every night by washing and exfoliating my face, using refining toner and putting on an all natural moisturizer to ensure this wont happen. Can you give me a break? What's your obsession with my face anyway? You are the only one on my face at the moment which makes it even worse because you stand out more. You always have to be the center of attention.

I will continue to try and pop you every day until you go away for good, although my efforts will just get you more irritated, but you've left me no choice. Now I have to carry around concealer because who knows when you will act up. Stop throwing temper tantrums and grow the eff up. I can't take having lead state officials stare at you on my face. It's embarrassing! Plus, that means they aren't paying attention to me so now you are taking away from me time, after all it is MY FACE. Jeez, selfish much. 

I am a 25-year-old working professional, it's not okay to have you on my face. By the looks of it, I have a feeling you are going to continue your childish ways but don't worry, I'm calling in reinforcements. You are forcing me to whip out the toothpaste and rubbing alcohol. I would rather feel the burn then continue to see you on my face. Plus, I just bought new, expensive makeup and you are distracting from my contouring skills. 

I can tell you are having a good time on my face considering the amount of time you've been there but to be clear, you are NOT welcome. Go ahead, have fun while you can because it is not going to last. I warn you, if you plan to continue your stay, I expect you pay rent because the amount of money I spend on facial beauty products is very expensive. 

Oh, and please spread the word to your homies, I'm making an appointment for a facial next week. 


Sincerely,

Anita Baffoni
Tuesday, February 16, 2016

50 Thoughts Girls Have While Getting Their Eyebrows Threaded

threading eyebrows
Threading is the best thing to come to female grooming since razors. Eyebrows are a huge focus nowadays, in fact there are a million Instagram accounts just on perfecting the craft. No more plucking and messing up your own brows. Get those bad boys threaded! Not only is it better than waxing (because your skin isn't being yanked in every which way) the overall shape is better. Fellow Italians may have to get their brows and upper-lip done frequently, which is why I found an eyebrow salon in Providence that has a $10 per month, unlimited package which saves me $30 each month. I end up going twice a month and each time, I dread it because it hurts like a bitch but in the end, totally worth it. Beyonce says it best; pretty hurts.

Here are 50 thoughts girls have while getting their eyebrows threaded.

1. Where is my normal lady?

2. She's going to eff them up royally

3. She better not, or my selfie game will NOT be on fleek 

4. Shit, I should have taken my blanket scarf off because it is way too hot in here

5. Why did she not use a breath mint before threading my brows?

6. This doesn't hurt that bad this time

7. Nope, still hurts

8. It's not like an "I just got shot hurt" more like an annoying hurt

9. Boy, my hands are getting clammy

10. I don't know why I'm squeezing my hands so much, it isn't helping the pain at all

11. Why did the string break? Are my brows that bad?!

12. I'm glad it broke to give me a minute to itch my nose

13. I can feel your stomach resting on my head and I don't like it, but by the gurgles, you should eat
lunch

14. Why are you taking so long on one eyebrow?

15. Something went wrong!

16. I hope they aren't too thin

17. Please stop telling me I should come once a week, this shit hurts too much

18. Why can't I ever seem to stretch my eyebrow correctly

19. Wow, your hands are cold

20. Thanks for showing me for the hundredth time how to correctly hold my eyebrow

21. Shit, I hope I don't rip my jacket because it is really not helping me lift my arms to stretch

22. Why do I have to stretch my skin, anyway?

23. Get through this and you won't have to come back for another two weeks

24. Can you please blow out all of the incense, I'm getting a headache

25. Is there that much hair on my forehead?

26. Why are you threading my forehead?

27. Boy this is taking a long time

28. I can feel everyone watching me

29. I'm sorry I keep fidgeting, this REALLY HURTS

30. Is my upper lip that bad that you need to make a comment about it? It's not my fault!

31. Do you have to thread that close to my nose?

32. Can the thread get nose hairs?

33. This feels like popping a pimple under my nose which is the worst pain ever

34. I think I'm getting string burn because you keep going over the same spot and, yes, IT HURTS

35. I would rather my eyebrows get done multiple times then endure my lip getting done

36. No, I don't want the "soothing gel" because its probably just hand sanitizer and I don't want to break out.

37. Please move so I can see myself in the mirror

38. THANK GOD they aren't effed up

39. She could have gotten that one hair but I'll just do it with my tweezers when I get home because there is no way in hell I'm getting back in that chair

40. Jeez, there is so much hair on my face. Did she really just pull that much hair off my face?

41. Can I have a tissue to dry my eyes?

42. Wow, my face is so red and irritated

43. Thanks for not effing up my face

44. Even if you did, there's nothing a little brow pencil can't fix

45. I'm so glad this is over

47. I can't wait to get in my car to really inspect her threading job

47. Wow, my eyebrows are on fleek

48. I hope they don't grow in too quickly because I can't handle this again

49. Ugh...two weeks will come too quickly

50. Now I know why Peaches Monroe made that vine

Peaches Monroe
Thursday, February 4, 2016

To Sparkle Or Not To Sparkle

There comes a point when a young working professional needs to look and act the part. Whether that means retiring the hot pink bow headbands, start to wear appropriate makeup or dying your purple hair back to your natural color, that is what you are supposed to do. But clearly, I somewhat disregard this unwritten rule.

There I am, shoving my work microphone and gold sparkly iPhone in the Governor of Rhode Island's face for an interview a few weeks ago. Should I have a more neutral phone case, probably. But unapologetically, I do it anyway. 

I struggle with this decision. Being a newbie reporter, I tend to compare my actions to other more experienced reporters. I look at what they are wearing, their demeanor, and their equipment/tools they use while in the field. Since I am in radio news reporting, I always like to have a backup sound, which is where my 14 karat gold sparkly iPhone comes in. I always end up questioning my decision to use my obnoxious phone with this case but I don't have the patience to use my outdated work phone that is super slow compared to my personal iPhone 6s. The struggle is real.

Does the Governor care about my phone case? Probably not. She has way bigger fish to fry. Frankly, she probably likes my sparkles. So there is that. 

Just be yourself, Anita. I know, I know. It's easier said than done. There is just so much damn pressure to fit in and be "normal" but really...what is normal? Standing out a little bit isn't the worst thing in the world. I think I would rather stand out a bit with a sparkly iPhone case then fade in the background of the reporter gauntlet. It's pretty accurate to say the Governor probably knows whose sparkly phone it is every time its in her face. This girl, right here. And, don't I want newsmakers to know who I am, Anita Baffoni the news reporter? 

This confidence comes and goes more often than I'd like. Here I am in a candid shot at an event at the state house I was covering and a T.V. camera caught me, in the front row, next to state legislators that just so happened to sit in the same row as I. Noooo, I wasn't trying to be in view of the camera. I needed to be near my microphone equipment, thank you very much.

Right before I knew the camera's were rolling, I turned over my iPhone because I thought, maybe it is too much. Keep in mind, this was the day after I posted the picture of me and the Governor at the top of this post and I got plenty of jokes from my brother and others on my phone case. Yes, they were jokes but it got me thinking. 

Whatever. It's too late now to change how I do things, with or without my sparkly iPhone case. In the face of judgement, I'm going to continue shoving my obnoxious phone in the face of anyone with a good news story, and be myself. At least it isn't a bunny-eared phone case like the one Jess has in New Girl. Well, that's how I justify my ridiculousness. 

With that said,
You stay classy, San Diego. 





Side note: I've been swamped with work and catching up on my DVR'd shows that I've missed two weeks of blog posts. Sorry guys, assuming you care. Has anyone else watched the latest Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce? Becca's baby is black?!??! Mind blown.

Ok, bye. 

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